by Simone, MSc, Coaching Psychology

4 min read

Picture this: your mind is like a radio station, endlessly broadcasting thoughts, opinions, and predictions. Some days it’s “Sunny FM,” and other days it’s “Doom and Gloom 24/7.” Now, imagine you’re driving in your car. When a station you don’t like comes on, do you pull over, argue with the radio, or try to out-shout it? Of course not! You simply notice it, maybe roll your eyes, and switch the channel—or turn the volume down.

This post covers a very important life skill, the art of cognitive defusion, a powerful technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that helps you unstick from unhelpful thoughts and take charge of your own mental journey.

What is cognitive defusion?

Cognitive defusion is the practice of stepping back from your thoughts rather than getting tangled up in them. Instead of letting them steer the wheel, you learn to see them for what they are: words, ideas, and stories—not facts.

Think of it this way:

• If your mind says, “I’m terrible at this,” defusion helps you see it as just a passing thought, like a car driving by your house, rather than something that defines you.
• Or, if you’re stuck on “I’ll never find love,” defusion lets you notice that thought, wave at it like an annoying neighbor, and then refocus on what matters—like actually going on that date or texting your friend.

It’s also important to remember: you are not your thoughts. Think of your mind as a wildly creative screenwriter, always spinning dramatic tales. Just because it writes, “You’re a failure” doesn’t mean it’s true—or that you have to act it out! Thoughts are just scripts. Some are helpful, others are nonsense, and your job isn’t to believe them all but to choose which ones are worth following.

Why do thoughts get so sticky?

Our brains are meaning-making machines. They’re designed to notice patterns, solve problems, and warn us about potential threats. Back when our ancestors had to survive predators, this mental stickiness was life-saving: “Hear a growl? Probably a tiger! Run!”

Today, though, the tiger has turned into less immediate but equally sticky thoughts: “What if I fail?” “What if I look stupid?” “I’m not enough.” These thoughts might feel protective (“Stay safe; don’t risk embarrassment!”), but they often trap us, keeping us from the things that bring joy, connection, and meaning.

And let’s not forget memories—our mind’s version of a scrapbook. The problem? It’s more like a scrapbook from your clumsy cousin, who leaves out important details, adds drama, and forgets to include context. That embarrassing moment in middle school? Probably not as bad as your mind insists. We recognize that memories are not facts; they’re interpretations, often flawed and incomplete. Like thoughts, they don’t define you—they’re just postcards from the past.

Everyday metaphors for cognitive defusion

Let’s make this concept come alive with a few real-life examples:

1. The bus driver

Imagine you’re driving a bus, and your thoughts are the passengers. Some are quiet, some are loud, and some yell, “You’re going the wrong way!” You could try to argue with them, but that’s exhausting—and it doesn’t get you where you want to go. Instead, defusion is about staying in the driver’s seat, noticing the chatter, and keeping your focus on the road ahead.

Everyday example: You’re working on a big presentation, and the thought “I’m going to bomb this” starts yelling from the back of your mental bus. Instead of pulling over to argue with it, you say, “Thanks for your input,” and keep practicing.

2. The social media feed

Your mind is like a social media feed, constantly scrolling through posts. Some posts are helpful (“Remember to pick up milk!”), while others are toxic or irrelevant. Cognitive defusion is like learning to scroll past the unhelpful posts without reacting—or even muting that annoying account entirely.

Everyday example: You’re about to go to the gym, and your mind posts: “You’re too out of shape; people will judge you.” Instead of engaging with that post, you let it scroll by and lace up your sneakers anyway.

3. The cloud watching game

Thoughts are like clouds in the sky: they drift in, change shape, and eventually float away. When you’re fused with a thought, it’s like staring at a storm cloud and deciding it’s permanent. Cognitive defusion helps you zoom out and notice that, hey, the sky is still there—and the storm will pass.

Everyday example: You’re stuck in traffic, and the thought “I’ll be late, and everyone will think I’m irresponsible” pops up. Instead of fuming, you take a breath, notice the thought as just a cloud, and let it float by while you tune into a podcast.

Here are some simple, playful techniques to help you unstick from sticky thoughts in your everyday life:

Turn thoughts Into objects

• Picture your thought as something silly: “I can’t do this” becomes a talking banana or a squeaky toy. It’s hard to take a thought seriously when it’s wobbling around like a cartoon character.

Use humor

• If your mind says, “You’ll mess this up,” respond with, “Thanks, Captain Obvious,” or “Wow, you’ve got quite the imagination!” Humor can take the sting out of even the harshest thoughts.

Label it

• Simply label the thought for what it is: “Oh, there’s my ‘I’m not good enough’ thought again.” This helps you notice the pattern without getting hooked.

Why it matters

Thoughts and memories will always come and go—they’re part of being human. But when you learn to step back, you can stop them from steering your life. Instead of being defined by old scripts or faulty snapshots, you can focus on your values, relationships, and actions that bring meaning and joy.

So the next time your mind serves up a dramatic thought or a grainy memory, take a step back, smile, and remember: you’re not your thoughts, you’re not your memories—you’re the director of this movie. And you get to decide what story comes next. 🎬